


Purple abomination

by triplezzz



Series: Through the years [4]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 乐华七子NEXT | NEX7, 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mentions of Sex Toys, Wenjun puts up with it, Zhengting's a silly panic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 11:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20242300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplezzz/pseuds/triplezzz
Summary: Impulse purchase made in a state of arousal and insobriety is not recommended. Zhengting can vouch for it.





	Purple abomination

It happened like a slow motion sequence right before the strike of an impending disaster. A moment ago Wenjun was helping him hand down boxes from the uppermost shelf, then upon descent his elbow had brushed against the pile of things perched on his desk and the next thing he knew his life had turned into a horror movie.

The purple silicone rolled out of its case and met the floor with a dull doomed thump, and for a split second Zhengting had the mind to wish he had ordered a glass dildo instead. Perhaps it would've shattered into tiny unidentifiable pieces, just like the carcass of his dignity.

It felt like an eternity of a minute — deliberately not looking up at Wenjun and keeping his eyes to the ground where the source of his abomination laid still — mind racing a mile per second while his body stood struck stuck by panic. He might've been astral projecting out of excessive shame when Wenjun made a very tentative reach for the Thing, barely succeeding in grabbing it before the other's approaching hand with a choked up yelp.

"No!"

"Uh. Sorry."

"Yes. No. Stop. I don't need your pity. Please don't say anything anymore. I know you must think I'm a pathetic little pervert who can't even get a real dick but there's no need to put a voice to that cruel thought."

"But I haven't said anything?"

"That's why I'm telling you not to. I've got to put a stop to any further humiliation."

"But—"

"Nooo!!"

The soft shaft sliced through the air and jiggled at the end of his frenzied arm waving. Wenjun took a cautios step back, eyeing the dick replica not too far away from his face.

"Oh god. I see it. The disgust in your eyes. It's piercing."

"Zhengting please--"

"Nooooo!!!"

The disturbingly realistic head would have slapped Wenjun square in the jaw had he not made a timely retreat.

"Will you please stop swinging that around."

"Get away from me, you homophobe!"

"I'm literally dating you."

"--you dildophobe!"

Before Zhengting could do another slash with his impromptu weapon, Wenjun caught his hands and silenced him with his mouth.

"Are you calm now?"

"Mhmm... I'm not too sure. Do it again?"

***

"So, you bought a dildo."

"It was a drunken purchase."

"I see. When?"

"Few weeks ago, I think? When you went away for that exchange program."

Zhengting snuggled further into his bony seat as Wenjun tightened his arms around his torso.

"I see." Same phrase, different undertone. Zhengting didn't need to see to picture the slight curls growing from the corners of Wenjun's mouth. "What exactly is the chain of events that led to this grand purchase, if I may ask?"

"People don't always make the best decisions after watching porn while wasted _and_ horny, Mr. detective. In retrospect it's already commendable that I end up choosing a relatively normal looking one rather than some weird scary niche stuff." He rolled his eyes at Wenjun's chuckle, slightly swollen lips further enhanced by a pout.

"And how do you find this 'commendable choice' to be?"

Shifting around, he made sure to meet Wenjun's eyes before shrugging and tilting his head. "Bigger than what I'm used to."

His mouth twitched upon seeing the raised eyebrows, halfhearted attempt at struggling out of Wenjun's lap easily thwarted by long legs clamping on his own.

They didn't get much cleaning done that day.

**Author's Note:**

> Back on my biting bullshit ✊ also the raciest (kinda) fic I've written for this fandom and of course it's mostly crack. Womp womp


End file.
